It came to my attention today that I had not closed my blog after returning to the States. And as a person who appreciates closure I thought I'd leave my audience with a few closing thoughts about my time in Panama, what I learned while I was there, how even in my return to the States I was tested, and how it feels to be home now.
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Lets stay organized though, so I'll tell you guys about the headache that I like to call my return to the U.S. As if the fact that I was leaving couldnt have been more bittersweet, my host family threw me a good bye party and my impending departure really hit me. I was excited and sad, I had finally adjusted to life there but I had to many obligations back home to take care of.
Now imagine all these mixed emotions and add the stress of lugging around a billion things along three flights and through customs. I had no idea how I'd make it home in one piece! Luckily getting to the U.S. was a breeze. But once I landed, customs was a mess! Im pretty sure non-citizens missed all their flights because I nearly missed mine and I was in a much much shorter line. With a short layover in Miami I thought I'd be home in no time. Simply had to get myself through customs and make my way to my gate. But nope, gotta get through customs, pick up bags, re-check bags, get through security. Not only did I not have enough appendages to help me drag all my bags but I couldnt get through security on the count that I had too many carry-ons. Now Im arguing with two people in security who dont speak English. Not sure how that happened since we're in a U.S. airport but they're telling me I cant get through security unless I check another bag. Being the stubborn person that I am I purposefully refuse and instead start moving things around, I really put on a show over in Miami, jumping on my carry on trying to shut it. In the end they tell me to just hold my laptop instead of one of my bags. Which made no difference except in convenience so that I can move through security.
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More importantly however, is what I took away from this experience. Being in Panama taught me a lot about myself and really made me realize how important having a spiritual understanding of life is. No matter what your religious beliefs or practices, it makes such a difference when we believe that our purpose here on earth is larger than life. I think thats what makes the community in Panama so receptive. In the U.S. we live in society that really stigmatizes talking about spirituality, but in Panama everyone, whether they were Catholic or Evangelical Christians or non-religious at all, people were much more open to discussing their understanding of a spiritual reality.
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Serving in Panama for the last few months made me realize how important it is to deepen our understanding of this reality. And how easily it effects every little aspect of our lives. From the relationships we have with others to our day to day actions. To the way we process thought and make decisions. I kept hearing that I'd inevitably face moments of culture shock when I got back to the U.S. but I didn't expect for it to take this shape and form. It was as simple as being reunited with my friends. The first thing I was confronted about was why I still had my "ghetto" phone. Its funny how technologically advanced our society has come when a non-smart phone is now dubbed "ghetto". In a way it was a smack back into reality. Sure it might not be healthy but I realized what type of society I live in. It's shallow and materialistic. Its the bitter truth.
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But being aware of these circumstances makes me work even harder to try to bring myself back down to a healthy reality. One that isnt so focused on who is wearing what or has the latest gadgets. Instead, on how we can better ourselves, advance society, and grow closer to God.
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Although service had its own tests and difficulties, I think I grew from every single one of them. I know that no one will ever truly understand my experience, its a journey we all take and its true to us, who we are and who we would like to become. Whether I shared them in my posts with you or stowed them away in my journal. Its safe to say that in writing this blog, I in no way ever meant to offend or hurt anyone. Although some posts may have harbored stronger emotions than others, know that my sole purpose in writing was to find a way to express myself. If I was happy or sad, angry and mad, excited, tired, frustrated, you name it. Im sure most of you could tell. Just remember that in the end, this experience for me was priceless and I dont regret it for a second!
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I hope you guys enjoyed it while it lasted! I know I sure did! On that closing note, off to my next adventure...LAW SCHOOL!
